Friday, May 1, 2009

running from something i should embrace

Three more weeks. Today. **sighs** Why do I feel like this year flew by, and I was just a passenger? Like I watched this year going by through someone else's eyes? And why do I feel like even though we only have three more weeks of seventh grade left, there are so many iridescent stones I have yet to turn? And why do I feel like this year, I didn't take my own advice, trust my own gut feeling, or live by my own mantra? Maybe somewhere deep down, seventh grade sucks for everybody. But, maybe it's only the strong and honest ones who admit that. Maybe it's the one's who are concerned for their future who want to be the best they can be, even if that means doing the uncool thing. And maybe, just maybe, it's the ones who come out of all of that with a positive attitude who are the true leaders... The ones people silently look up to, even if they'd never admit it. If I have helped anyone in even the slightest of ways this year, then I am happy. I am proud of myself if I did that much. Even if I went through my first true breakup, failed my first test, and had my first real fight with a friend, knowing I helped even one person would make everything else disappear. I had an interesting conversation today with a boy I barely know... It went a little something like this :)

Boy: Just tell me who she likes!
Me: No! She's my best friend, and I don't tell secrets!
Boy: But she SAID you could tell me!
Me: She would never say something like that. Trust me. She asked me not to tell, so I'm going to be a responsible friend and I'm not going to say anything to anyone. Including you.
**people around us clap**
Boy: Katie, we're in 7th grade! No one cares about the responsible thing!
Me: Obviously, you don't know me at all... Because if you did, you'd know that no matter whose secret it was, I'd never tell anyone! And I'm being responsible. I care about doing the right thing. And if you don't, then I really don't want to be around you.
Boy: *laughs* Wow Katie...
Me: Don't ask me again.

I walked away. The things people will do... Just to "get ahead". Just to seem better than someone else. It's despicable and revolting. And that's why I've had such a bad year... Because I'm not like that... I don't gossip, I don't backstab... And I most definitely always try to do the responsible thing. I don't like being around people who don't.

I was proud of myself today. I stuck to my morals when they were tested. I was myself. And I didn't care what anyone thought of that, because I was happy with what I did.

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